Fifty Shades Darker Official Trailer Released
The official Fifty Shades Darker trailer has just been unleashed onto fans of sort-of-erotic movies, based on sort-of-erotic books, based on sort-of-erotic Twilight fan fiction. The trailer begins with a slowed down sparse version of Beyoncé’s “Crazy In Love” performed by someone named Miguel while fireworks light up the sky. Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) appear to be getting ready for some type of masquerade party. After dancing at the party we cut to a scene where it appears that Grey is making an attempt to re-connect with Steele with a gigantic bouquet of white roses and pouty explanation. There is a fully clothed makeout scene in what I have to assume is a rich person’s shower (as a man whose income is more attuned to bathing in a galvanized steel bucket, you may have to take that observation with a grain of salt.) Ana explains that this time there are to be “no rules, no punishments, and no secrets,” which in my admittedly limited understanding of the source material seems to violate the entire point of this series.
You know what? I actually have no idea what is going on here, but I assume that if you are interested in watching this trailer, chances are that you do. Feel free to educate me in the comments below.
If you are unfamiliar, Fifty Shades Darker is the second in a trilogy of Fifty Shades books written by E.L. James. James originally wrote a Twilight fan fiction titled “Master Of The Universe” under the pen name “Snowqueen’s Icedragon.” After comments of the sexual nature of the content, James reworked “Master Of The Universe” into “Fifty Shades Of Grey.” No, I’m not making this up.
The series became a huge hit, despite featuring quality writing like this:
- “He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez.”
- “Don’t you like the butt drawer?”
- “My subconscious looks on with approval, her normally pursed mouth smiling, and I am the supreme puppet master.”
- “The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity”And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain—probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells—comes the thought: He’s here to see you.”
Whatever… watch whatever you want.
(Editor’s note: At this point the author of this piece stormed off muttering “THAT chucklehead is a millionaire while I write for a crappy blog! BULLSHIT,” under his breath. I assume that means the article is over.)